Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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