Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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