woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
