I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
