Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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