So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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