The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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