i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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