How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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