and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
