pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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