maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
