ADVERTISEMENT

• (631): View more from New York

  Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.

  Fav 74 4480 2211

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.

  Fav 29 1069 2660

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (260): View more from Indiana

  I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Sorry- wrong number! :)

  Fav 18 1849 5224

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.

  Fav 41 4876 1305

  share tweet
  

• (631): View more from New York

  we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"

  Fav 15 3666 1210

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.

  Fav 16 1129 6597

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (619): View more from California

  Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.

  Fav 23 1197 4369

  share tweet
  

• (530): View more from California

  Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.

  Fav 14 6798 2075

  share tweet
  

• (320): View more from Minnesota

  Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday

  Fav 2 2883 1045

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.

  Fav 2 972 1564

  share tweet
  

• (559): View more from California

  Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.

  Fav 10 922 1961

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (937): View more from Ohio

  I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.

  Fav 0 465 580

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.

  Fav 0 9 48

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.

  Fav 0 47 5

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (812): View more from Indiana

  I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night

  Fav 0 310 568

  share tweet
  

Randomize