Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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