I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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