Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
