did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
