Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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