it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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