wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
