this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
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Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
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Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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