ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
