Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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