hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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