Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
