if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Mom said you looked used
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
