Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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