She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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