So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
only if we run a train.
done.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
