Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
