We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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