i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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