WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
