It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
