I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
