Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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