I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
