I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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