You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
