cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
