1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
