you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
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