So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
