Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
