the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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