I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
