my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
