we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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