I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
