Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
