I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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