Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
