It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
