Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We are all done wearing pants today
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
