a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
