Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
