we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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