My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
